Flatline

I searched a week for something to post about chapters 13-15. I found nothing, so I'm throwing in the towel. For me, these chapters were too much about Miller's own personal experiences and he consequently lost me for an audience. Thanks, Amy, for giving me something to comment on.

BLUE LIKE JAZZ Week Five

My favorite part of this week's reading was the discussion about love. I especially enjoyed what Paul says about love in Chapter 13.

"I mean that to be in a relationship with God is to be loved purely and furiously. And a person who thinks himself unlovable cannot be in a relationship with God because he can't accept who God is; a Being that is love. We learn that we are lovable or unlovable from other people....that is why God tells us so many times to love each other."

What a great idea! This was a nice segue into Chapter 14 on being alone. When I was studying philosophy in college, I remember talking about Fichte. Fichte wrote about how we need other people to interact with in order to create our sense of self and "otherness." If we don't have that, we go insane. We need other people to be our mirrors. So many times we have heard that you can't be in a relationship with someone else until you love yourself. I think that's true. But it is also clear that we need each other. We learn so much about ourselves from interacting with other people.

I didn't enjoy Chapter 15 as much but I understood where Don is coming from. Being an only child, I am used to having my own space. I have always found it difficult to live with people. I really worried that I wouldn't be cut out for married life but it has been surprisingly easy to live with my husband. What a surprise! I guess he makes a good "mirror" for me.

Belief and Grace

Chapter ten made me reconsider the idea of grace. As Miller described his own struggles in becoming what it takes to be a "good Christian", what he would die for, and his admiration of his friends Penny and Andrew for their own passion about particular causes, I thought about my own beliefs.

I realized after reading this chapter that the word "belief" has never held much weight with me. What do I believe in? Well, I believe that I am typing this blog post, I believe that the sun is shining today, I believe that I have a long list of "to dos" that I must take care of this week.

But the word "compel" is another matter. To think about things that are compelling to me opens up a whole new universe for me. What do I find compelling? That means I'm powerfully attracted to them. When I think of things that are good, noble, and even extraordinary, I still may not find them compelling. To me, that is.

For example, when I think of becoming a tutor or a Big Brother, I think, 'Wow, those are great ways to spend one's time and make a difference.' But I will never do them. I have no interest in doing those things. So I ask myself why that is. Am I lazy? Am I selfish? Perhaps, but it may also because God wants me to do something else.

When I turned 41 last month, I had a realization. All my struggles and trials have led me somewhere. It's probable that, for the remainder of my life, I'll more or less be the kind of person I am today. It's not all the fireworks I thought it would be and I've certainly made some decisions and blunders that will color the rest of my days, but my life is not bad. I'm essentially a good person who is dedicated to learning about and appreciating life's mysteries. I will do some good things before I'm done.

I'm OK with all of that. I believe that I have accepted God's grace.

So, I guess I do have one real belief.

BLUE LIKE JAZZ Week Four

I really like this quotation from Chapter 10:

"The problem with Christian belief...is that it is not a fashionable thing to believe."

Donald is right. We all want to be fashionable and cool deep down. This can create a lot of pressure for some of us Christians when challenged by "cool" non-Christians. It just isn't trendy to be a young Christian. But I really like the delineation that Donald draws between "Christianity" and "Jesus." We often get so caught up in the religous aspects of Christianity and its labels that we lose sight of the message. I like how Donald describes himself as a follower of Jesus rather than the loaded term "Christian." I especially love the confession booth that Donald and his friend set up. What a wonderful idea!

Although I found Chapter 12 a bit preachy, I can empathize with Donald's search for a church. It is important to find a place of worship that feels relevant and authentic. I have mentioned many times how I feel angry that Republications and conservatives have co-opted Jesus for their own agendas and political purposes. Although I am a Democrat, I don't see either side as being "Christian." As Donald pointed out, "what I believe is not what I say I believe; what I believe is what I do." I don't believe religion has a place in politics.

I have always been uncomfortable with the modernization of the church today. I get squirmy when I see people wear jeans to church and carry their Starbucks into the sanctuary. I cringe when the rock band starts playing Christian music during the service and when I see "Jesus Jams" aimed at teens. Is it all really necessary? Part of me likes the fact that these trendy touches speak to some people and bring them into the church. At the same time, it feels overdone. I think the methods used by Donald's church are so much more to the point. We all know the church must change or die. But we need to be careful about what changes and incentives that we implement just to get people in the door.

A Stake In The Sand

Tonight I went for a long walk. I thought about Don's struggle at the end of Chapter 9, Amy's disillusionment with Christianity when she was a teenager, and the passage from Kings. I thought about the spiritual irritation I feel so much of the time. I realized then that I was only thinking about my irritation. I did not feel any irritation as I walked the quiet, dark streets in my neighborhood. In fact, I was at peace.

In an earlier chapter, Don talked about the times when his faith came easily. At one point, he was reading his Bible regularly and even marveled during one reading session about how easily God had come to him and how good he was feeling. He wondered why it couldn't always be that way - why those good times with God and his faith so often slipped away. Sure enough, a few months later Don was back in a funk and doing things he wasn't particularly proud of and felt bad about.

I contemplated this same thing tonight. Why on some (rare) occasions my spirit just soars, or I at least feel contentment. The times when I don't have to hunt, dig, or beg for it to come.

Life is a funny thing. Sometimes we just have to let our hair down and let all of those bad things loose. Those "bad" things may even be quite fun. It is how I think about that passage from Kings. If all was still all the time, maybe we couldn't hear that quiet voice. Maybe the ruckus helps us to find the light.

BLUE LIKE JAZZ Week Three

So, I have two ideas about myself as a Christian that I'd like to share with you:

1) I am a lunatic.

OR

2) I am a Christian dilettante.

Sometimes I wonder if non-Christians aren't right. Am I really a crazy person who walks around believing in a myth? What the heck is wrong with me? Why not just give up on the idea of God and live my life however I want to with no rules and no guidelines? It makes me think of what C.S. Lewis said in MERE CHRISTIANITY about how you can't say that you are a follower of Jesus' teachings but that you don't believe He was divine. If Jesus walked around saying he was God and really wasn't, then he was nuts. And who wants to be a follower of a crazy person? There are days when I think about Christianity and I say to myself that I must be out of mind to believe in something that is so illogical and self-contradictory. Some Christians throughuot my life have told me that it is evil to have doubts about your faith. I disagree. I think asking questions and facing your doubts makes your faith stronger. We need to be challenged in our beliefs. It is a chance to exercise our faith muscles and remember why we decided to believe this crazy stuff in the first place.

The other thought about myself as Christian is similar to what Don discussed in Chapter 9. It can be really easy to be a Christian on the outside. You can wear a cross and carry your bible around and use all the right lingo. You can be "an infomercial for God." But after awhile, that feels fake.

When I was about 14 years old, I decided to start attending church again. I got really into it and even attended a Dawson McAllister conference with other kids from my church. I decided to only read Christian books and listen to Christian music. I tried really hard to fit in with my fellow Christian teenagers. Being painfully shy, this was tough. But I made a real effort to say all the right stuff like "peace be with you." One day, we were talking about school and one girl said that she was already taking Calculus. Since I have never been a math person, I was really impressed and said "Oh my god!" Suddenly, everyone got quiet and this one guy looked really pissed. I had said the Lord's name in vain. They walked away from me and I realized that no matter how hard I tried, I would never be Christian enough for these people. I would make mistakes and I wouldn't always get the lingo right or wear the right clothes or listen to the right music. Even Christians have their cliques and ridiculous rules for fitting in. I didn't attend church again until I went to college.

You can walk the walk and talk the talk but unless you are actively working on your relationship with God and trying to live your life in a spiritual way, it means nothing. And that can be tough. I want it to be easy. I don't want to have to work on my faith. I want to go church and simply say "I'm a Christian" and "Peace be with you" and have it be enough. But it's not.

Life's Best Moments

Amy, you covered so much ground in your last post that I, too, I had thought about and went over. I'm not sure now where to start except to share with you how I've experienced Jazz on a personal level.

One thing I've noticed as I read the book is that I often roll my eyes and mutter to myself, "Oh, please..." When I initially read about Laura's struggle with God and faith, I wasn't very generous or forgiving. I unconsciously told Laura to get over herself and for Don to stop indulging Laura. I couldn't stand reading certain sections and because I thought all of it was over the top.

But that was yesterday and this is today. As I write this, I am thinking about about how messy my own life is. It takes a lot of courage to decide to make yourself vulnerable and expose thoughts and feelings that you might later regret, even years afterward. There have been many times when I've done similar things and I hope that the people who saw and/or heard what I did will cut me some slack (preferably a LOT of slack).

The fact is that I'm uncomfortable with exposing myself and I'm uncomfortable with others doing the same. I seek to live on an even keel because it's easier and there's less crap to deal with.

So, I wonder why those times come up when I feel compelled to open up and say or do something that seems completely irrational and with little chance of any payoff? The reason I do it is because those are the times in which I see an opportunity to become closer to a person. We all have relationships in which we know people, but yet we don't really know them. If we're lucky, we might encounter a few people who we truly get to know. Those are the ones we might love, crap and all.

I know I would love to get a note like the one Laura gave to Don at the end of chapter five. Those are the moments in which our souls grow. Those are the times in which we feel most alive.

BLUE LIKE JAZZ Week Two

I really enjoy the parts of the book where Donald seems to find a way to reconcile being a Christian while attending a highly secular college. To me, this has always been one of the hardest parts of Christianity. How do we maintain our Christian life and identity while having to live within a secular context?

I think one of the most important parts of these chapters for me was the fact that Donald acts as a Christian model for non-Christians whether he chooses to or not. He doesn't go around proselytizing. He simply provides an active example of what a Christian should be for others. And it seems that this approach is very effective. It can be very hard for Christians to overcome all of the horrible things that have been done in the name of religion. Non-Christians often come to us with very valid arguments such as Donald's friend Laura.

I thought the part of the chapter about Laura seeing Christianity as irrational was especially interesting. It DOES seem irrational. As Donald put it, "I think Laura was looking for something rational, because she believed that all things that were true were rational. But that isn't the case. Love, for example, is a true emotion, but it is not rational."

The end of Chapter six really spoke to me as well. It seems like all have to do is to believe and then everything else should fall into place. So, why do we continue to struggle? "I thought that if God would make it so I felt convicted all the time, I would never sin." Wow. That sounds familiar. Why CAN'T we feel strong about our faith all the time? And why CAN'T we conquer sin with self-discipline? I have wondered this myself many times. I'm looking forward to seeing Donald's explanation.

Peace Unveiled

Chapter 2 seems to be a favorite among us! Miller's thoughts about his own self-absorbtion resonated with me; living in a house full of mirrors that causes him to see nothing but himself at every turn. So much time thinking about and reassuring himself and not leaving much room in his heart and mind for anyone else.

Self-absorbtion is another of those time wasters that Malady talks about (the passage she noted also caught my attention). A lot of my own time is spent thinking about trying to be a good person that I end up spending comparatively little time actually being good.

What we've read so far in Blue Like Jazz makes me reconsider what it really means to find peace in my life. I've realized that I spend so much time using self-reflection as a protective cocoon for myself that I spend less time engaging the world in a meaningful way. It's ironic because making a difference in the lives of others is the whole point of self-reflection. As I overheard my wife say recently, "You're cheating the world if you don't become all that you know you're capable of."

So here's what I'm adding for Lent: every month I will sign up for two classes, charitable functions, or some other activity that makes me get out of the house to work with and think about someone else for a few hours. It's measurable and I'm pretty sure I can do it.

Here's to making that a permanent condition.

BLUE LIKE JAZZ Week One

Dear Gary and Purl--

Raise your hand if you identified with anything that Donald talked about in the first three chapters. (my hand is raised) I think that many of us as children view God as a "slot machine God." If we are good little children, we will be rewarded. If we are bad little children, we could go to HELL!!! Or, we can just turn to God to push the reset button and all is forgiven.

My favorite chapter this week was Chapter 2. I love this passage:

"I believe the greatest trick of the devil is not to get us into some sort of evil but rather have us wasting time. This is why the devil tries so hard to get Christians to be religious. If he can sink a man's mind into habit, he will prevent his heart from engaging God."

I think we are often distracted by religion. We focus so much on the practice and the ritual that we lose sight of the spirituality. I have seen so many churches torn about by people disagreeing on certain ritual aspects of their church and forgetting about the real reason why they are there. There are lots of other things to distract us in everyday life as well. Some people may say that alcohol, drugs, sex, television and other secular pursuits are evil. I'm not sure I believe those things are inherently evil. (after all, even Jesus enjoyed wine!) But when they distract us and cause us to waste time, THAT is when they are a problem.

I also like how Miller explores the idea that we have to LEARN to be good. It doesn't come naturally to us. And it is something we have to work on every single day. As Miller says, WE are the problem. We have to start any good work with ourselves before moving on to anything or anyone else.

I hope you are enjoying the book so far!!!

-Malady

BLUE LIKE JAZZ Lenten Reading Plan

I have to admit that I find this book a quick and enjoyable read so I have already done my first week's readings!!!!

Here is our plan:

FEBRUARY 6-12 Chapters 1-3

FEBRUARY 13-19 Chapters 4-6

FEBRUARY 20-26 Chapters 7-9

FEBRUARY 27-MARCH 4 Chapters 10-12

MARCH 5-11 Chapters 13-15

MARCH 12-18 Chapters 16-18

MARCH 19-EASTER Chapters 19-end

BLUE LIKE JAZZ Week One

One of the characteristics of Generation X has often been described as "a need for fulfillment." We look to be "fulfilled" in all aspects of our lives from our jobs to our relationships. This need spills over into religion as well. I think many Generation X-ers who were raised within a religious system became disillusioned with it during their high school and college years. We experienced a "disconnect" between what we were being taught in church and what we were living in the "real world." Sometimes, religion was just too inconvenient. It sometimes appeared to lack relevance.

I think Donald Miller does an excellent job of describing this disillusionment and the failure of Christianity for many individuals of our generation. So much of his story rings true for me. I hope it will for you as well.

We'll begin our journey on Ash Wednesday. The first day of Lent. I would like us to try and read the first three chapters before February 13. That should get us through most of Donald's earlier experiences with religion. I look forward to hearing your thoughts!!!!

A Lenten Challenge

Hello my friends!

It is hard to believe that Lent is almost upon us. I can't believe that Ash Wednesday is on February 6!

I did not grow up with the tradition of giving something up for Lent. No one really did that in my church. I was always fascinated when others did it. When I grew up, I decided that it would be more productive for me to ADD something to my routine rather than give something up. The addition would be something specifically religious. My church has a Lenten book club every year. The entire congregation reads the same book together and our services during Lent use themes from the current book. This year, we are using a Lenten devotional. I will definitely use the devotional but I decided that wasn't enough.

I would like to encourage you to read BLUE LIKE JAZZ with me for Lent this year. I will post weekly "assignments" to keep us on task and then we'll discuss what we have read. We'll start on Ash Wednesday. I hope you'll join me!!!