Dear Malady,
Your last post gave me a much clearer picture of what God means to you in your own life. I think I share with you the feeling that God is not really a separate part of your being. The description of your nightmare is marvelous; I can feel the closeness you shared with those in the first part of your dream. "Peace and love and happiness" - it seems that you and I want the same things!
I like how you describe hell as being an absence of God. Your wandering around alone on the street is truly frightening. For me, those times of "hell" are those in which I feel purposelessness and ennui. As you describe your own relationship with God, I am beginning to see that I see my relationship with Him manifests itself in my feelings and that He is not really separate from me. But my feelings are so inconsistent and unreliable that I'm not sure this can really be true.
What I hope to find during the course of my life is peace. That's all I want. When I feel peace, I perceive it as something divine, but not separate from me. But at the end of my life, I hope to encounter someone who will take me in and give meaning to all the things I've struggled with during the course of my life. You talked about having a reunion with God - can you tell me more about what that looks like to you?
Thank you for helping me sort out my "belief and heaven" dilemma. That God is love and that He will take care of it somehow is all I need to know.
I liked The Last Temptation of Christ for similar reasons as yours. Watching this movie was the first time I had felt real resonance with Christ's sacrifice. And I felt so because the film concentrated so much on His humanness. I find it fascinating how his post-cross human life dulled him, made him timid, and put him into a kind of sleep. You had mentioned how Judas is widely misunderstood - I had shared in that misunderstanding until I saw this movie. I had believed Judas had sold Jesus out, but now it's clear to me that Judas's purpose was to remind Jesus of His own purpose (or to be His conscience, as you explained).
How Jesus interpreted His life brings up a difficulty I have when I talk to people who call themselves Christians. What is most profound to me about Jesus that He had a purpose, or a mission. I find that what that mission was - that He died for our sins - less important than the simple fact that He had a purpose for living. That purpose moved Him so powerfully that He dedicated His entire life to it.
I find it interesting (and a little troubling) that so many people don't put much thought into what the purpose of their lives are. To me, exploring this question should be central to a Christian life. I see Christ's sacrifice not as a letting us off the hook, but instead as a challenge to pony up and explore the meaning in our own lives. Perhaps we don't have to die for our purpose as Christ did, but I fully expect God to ask me some pretty pointed questions on this subject. I have a feeling that He'll be fine if I don't have an answer, but that He will be concerned if I hadn't considered it much. Kind of like not studying for an exam, but a lot more serious. What do you think about this?
-Gary
Monday, April 30, 2007
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Christian Concepts
Dear Gary--
We are getting into some really meaty stuff here.
1) First of all, let me address the concept of heaven. We don't really know what "heaven" or "the afterlife" is really going to be like. And I'm not sure I really believe in the concept of "hell." I once had a vivid nightmare that went something like this:
I was sitting on a very large bed with a group of people and we were praying together and singing songs and worshipping. It was wonderful. I felt such peace and love and happiness. And I knew that came out of my relationship with God and my fellow Christians. Then, the scene changed. The other Christians disappeared and I was wandering the streets alone. I tried to find other Christians and talk to people about God but no one understood what I was talking about. There was a complete lack of God in my surroundings. I felt such despair. I had lost that love and peace and couldn't get it back. That is when I realized that I had died and I was in hell. My "hell" was the complete lack of God. There was no fire. There were no demons. Just me. Alone.
Now, I don't know if that is what the afterlife will be like. But my hunch is that "heaven" simply means a reunion with God. After death, when we are released from our corporeal being, there will be no more barriers to our union with God and with each other. How wonderful that would be!
2) I have a hard time with the concept of Satan. I'm not sure I really believe in the existence of Satan. I think Lewis believed in Satan. You'll understand this more if you go on to read THE SCREWTAPE LETTERS. But maybe Satan is just another way of describing those parts of us that keep us from God. I don't know.
3) Your concern about belief and heaven makes me think of the age-old argument about what happens to people who don't know anything about God or Christianity. For example, what happens to indigenous peoples in parts of the world that have never been exposed to the Western concept of God? Is it fair to think that they will go to "hell" simply because they have no knowledge of God? I don't think so. A classmate of mine in college asked his pastor father the same question. His father told him, "Son, I don't know the answer to that question. But I DO know God and God is love." I think God has a way of sorting all of this out. But we should take advantage of the knowledge that we DO have.
4) Why do I love LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST so much? When I saw the film, it was truly a revelation for me. When the movie first came out, many people told me that it was the work of the devil. I heard crazy things like "Jesus has sex with Mary Magdalene on the cross!" What?!!! I was actually SCARED to see the movie. Then, in college, my pastor had a screening at the chapel. It became clear to me that none of the people who warned me about the film had actually SEEN it.
The film (and the book) reveal the human side of Jesus. If any god were omnipotent and "died" for us, it wouldn't seem to be *that* big of a deal. I mean, how much of a sacrifice is it if the god in questions feels no pain and dying is no big thing. But what if the deity can feel things like rage and fear and pain? Because He is part human? That's a whole different story. The film also brings out the fact that Judas may be the most misunderstand individual in the Bible. If he had not followed through with his mission, where would we all be? In the movie, Judas is Jesus' conscience. He makes sure that Jesus fufills his duty on earth. And because he loves Jesus, that duty is especially painful. This movie/book imagines the "last" temptation as a chance for Jesus to live a normal life. He can get off the cross instead of a being a sacrifice for humankind. And He is tempted to do so. After all, He is human as well as divine. But Judas helps Him to see that He must complete His journey to the cross to save all of us. And that is a very powerful thing. It's a real sacrifice. But when Jesus says "it is accomplished," our relationship with God takes on a whole new meaning. The slate is wiped clean and we are blessed with grace. The ultimate sacrifice has been made.
-Malady
We are getting into some really meaty stuff here.
1) First of all, let me address the concept of heaven. We don't really know what "heaven" or "the afterlife" is really going to be like. And I'm not sure I really believe in the concept of "hell." I once had a vivid nightmare that went something like this:
I was sitting on a very large bed with a group of people and we were praying together and singing songs and worshipping. It was wonderful. I felt such peace and love and happiness. And I knew that came out of my relationship with God and my fellow Christians. Then, the scene changed. The other Christians disappeared and I was wandering the streets alone. I tried to find other Christians and talk to people about God but no one understood what I was talking about. There was a complete lack of God in my surroundings. I felt such despair. I had lost that love and peace and couldn't get it back. That is when I realized that I had died and I was in hell. My "hell" was the complete lack of God. There was no fire. There were no demons. Just me. Alone.
Now, I don't know if that is what the afterlife will be like. But my hunch is that "heaven" simply means a reunion with God. After death, when we are released from our corporeal being, there will be no more barriers to our union with God and with each other. How wonderful that would be!
2) I have a hard time with the concept of Satan. I'm not sure I really believe in the existence of Satan. I think Lewis believed in Satan. You'll understand this more if you go on to read THE SCREWTAPE LETTERS. But maybe Satan is just another way of describing those parts of us that keep us from God. I don't know.
3) Your concern about belief and heaven makes me think of the age-old argument about what happens to people who don't know anything about God or Christianity. For example, what happens to indigenous peoples in parts of the world that have never been exposed to the Western concept of God? Is it fair to think that they will go to "hell" simply because they have no knowledge of God? I don't think so. A classmate of mine in college asked his pastor father the same question. His father told him, "Son, I don't know the answer to that question. But I DO know God and God is love." I think God has a way of sorting all of this out. But we should take advantage of the knowledge that we DO have.
4) Why do I love LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST so much? When I saw the film, it was truly a revelation for me. When the movie first came out, many people told me that it was the work of the devil. I heard crazy things like "Jesus has sex with Mary Magdalene on the cross!" What?!!! I was actually SCARED to see the movie. Then, in college, my pastor had a screening at the chapel. It became clear to me that none of the people who warned me about the film had actually SEEN it.
The film (and the book) reveal the human side of Jesus. If any god were omnipotent and "died" for us, it wouldn't seem to be *that* big of a deal. I mean, how much of a sacrifice is it if the god in questions feels no pain and dying is no big thing. But what if the deity can feel things like rage and fear and pain? Because He is part human? That's a whole different story. The film also brings out the fact that Judas may be the most misunderstand individual in the Bible. If he had not followed through with his mission, where would we all be? In the movie, Judas is Jesus' conscience. He makes sure that Jesus fufills his duty on earth. And because he loves Jesus, that duty is especially painful. This movie/book imagines the "last" temptation as a chance for Jesus to live a normal life. He can get off the cross instead of a being a sacrifice for humankind. And He is tempted to do so. After all, He is human as well as divine. But Judas helps Him to see that He must complete His journey to the cross to save all of us. And that is a very powerful thing. It's a real sacrifice. But when Jesus says "it is accomplished," our relationship with God takes on a whole new meaning. The slate is wiped clean and we are blessed with grace. The ultimate sacrifice has been made.
-Malady
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Last Temptation
Dear Malady,
I like the Pascal chart. The "God exists/Ungodly life" intersection brings up something that intrigued me about The Last Temptation of Christ. It is this: Does God expect you to believe in Him in order to go to heaven?
I'm pretty sure Jesus didn't quit believing in God and that God was His father, but during the period Satan had duped Jesus and gave Him a human life after the attempted crucifixion, Jesus seemed to have given up on Himself and His purpose. What if Judas had never found and made clear to Jesus that Satan had tricked Him? Would Jesus have still gone to heaven?
I'm wondering about believing as a requirement to go to heaven because what if Satan took an otherwise good person and made God invisible to him/her their whole life? Why wouldn't God try harder to make Himself known and to show that person that he/she has a purpose for living?
I'm trying to determine to what extent the responsibility is mine to seek Him out. It seems that God would have to throw a person some kind of carrot so his/her interest is at least piqued. But if He never throws the carrot (or Satan successfully hides the carrot from a person for his/her entire life), should that person be disallowed from going to heaven? I'm struggling with this idea right now, but I'll keep sorting it out. In the meantime, any carrots you can throw my way so I can better understand this dilemma would be appreciated!
You discussed grace in the "Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God" post. I find a great deal of comfort in that explanation and it makes me believe that God would give me a break if I couldn't find a reason to believe in Him. I found Jesus's romantic love for a prostitute to be a profound combination of grace and humanity. I have always subscribed to the idea that one cannot help who one falls in love with (or just loves) and I thought it was pretty courageous to pursue that relationship so openly in Temptation. And that Jesus challenged social propriety and defended Mary in front of others showed that He was the stand-up kind of guy we should all aspire to be.
A last point about the movie, what you've talked about, and what I've run into in the second book of Mere Christianity: I'm not sure Satan was obviously evil in The Last Temptation of Christ. This is an idea that I first encountered in John Milton's Paradise Lost (which I would like to add to our reading list) and it has rocked my world ever since.
Satan was clearly a bad egg in that he lead Jesus astray for many, many years after the crucifixion. Getting married, having children and a home was not what God had intended for Jesus - I understand that. But Satan allowed Jesus to experience a kind of human happiness that, I think, helped him to better understand what humans need in their lives to want to get out of bed each morning and march on. This seems to support Lewis's explanation of the Christian view that everything has its origins in Good - including Satan. I'm interested to know how you think about this issue.
Jesus's expression of joy on the cross at the very end of the movie left me unsure of what to ultimately think, however. Is the purpose of living to grow the soul or pursue happiness? I think the best-lived lives are those that combine both. But why does it remind me so much of your "walking the tightrope" image...?
I like the Pascal chart. The "God exists/Ungodly life" intersection brings up something that intrigued me about The Last Temptation of Christ. It is this: Does God expect you to believe in Him in order to go to heaven?
I'm pretty sure Jesus didn't quit believing in God and that God was His father, but during the period Satan had duped Jesus and gave Him a human life after the attempted crucifixion, Jesus seemed to have given up on Himself and His purpose. What if Judas had never found and made clear to Jesus that Satan had tricked Him? Would Jesus have still gone to heaven?
I'm wondering about believing as a requirement to go to heaven because what if Satan took an otherwise good person and made God invisible to him/her their whole life? Why wouldn't God try harder to make Himself known and to show that person that he/she has a purpose for living?
I'm trying to determine to what extent the responsibility is mine to seek Him out. It seems that God would have to throw a person some kind of carrot so his/her interest is at least piqued. But if He never throws the carrot (or Satan successfully hides the carrot from a person for his/her entire life), should that person be disallowed from going to heaven? I'm struggling with this idea right now, but I'll keep sorting it out. In the meantime, any carrots you can throw my way so I can better understand this dilemma would be appreciated!
You discussed grace in the "Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God" post. I find a great deal of comfort in that explanation and it makes me believe that God would give me a break if I couldn't find a reason to believe in Him. I found Jesus's romantic love for a prostitute to be a profound combination of grace and humanity. I have always subscribed to the idea that one cannot help who one falls in love with (or just loves) and I thought it was pretty courageous to pursue that relationship so openly in Temptation. And that Jesus challenged social propriety and defended Mary in front of others showed that He was the stand-up kind of guy we should all aspire to be.
A last point about the movie, what you've talked about, and what I've run into in the second book of Mere Christianity: I'm not sure Satan was obviously evil in The Last Temptation of Christ. This is an idea that I first encountered in John Milton's Paradise Lost (which I would like to add to our reading list) and it has rocked my world ever since.
Satan was clearly a bad egg in that he lead Jesus astray for many, many years after the crucifixion. Getting married, having children and a home was not what God had intended for Jesus - I understand that. But Satan allowed Jesus to experience a kind of human happiness that, I think, helped him to better understand what humans need in their lives to want to get out of bed each morning and march on. This seems to support Lewis's explanation of the Christian view that everything has its origins in Good - including Satan. I'm interested to know how you think about this issue.
Jesus's expression of joy on the cross at the very end of the movie left me unsure of what to ultimately think, however. Is the purpose of living to grow the soul or pursue happiness? I think the best-lived lives are those that combine both. But why does it remind me so much of your "walking the tightrope" image...?
Pascal's Wager
Dear Gary,
I know you haven't had time to respond to my last post but I thought of this today and wanted to share it with you.
I minored in Philosophy in college and some of the "big questions" of philosophy have to do with God and the meaning of life. Blaise Pascal came up with a wager that described how he began to believe in God. It goes something like this.
Draw a chart on a piece of paper with four boxes (two on top and two below). At the top of the chart, write "God exists" and "God Doesn't Exist" over each box. At the side, write "Godly Life" and "Ungodly Life" beside each box. Okay, now we are going to fill in the boxes.
Write "-1" in the box where "God Doesn't Exist" and "Godly Life" intersect. If you have followed all the "rules" and lived a good life and then, after death, you discover that God doesn't exist, that nets you a -1 because you could have been doing whatever the heck you wanted but you led a Godly life instead. A waste of time.
Write "+1" in the box where "God Doesn't Exist" and "Ungodly Life" intersect. If you have lived your life however you want to and then it turns out that there is no God, well you have netted +1. You have gotten to do whatever you want. Hooray for you.
Write "- (minus) infinity" in the box where "God Exists" and "Ungodly Life" intersect. Let's say you spent your life doing whatever you want and not believing in God and then it turns out that there IS a God after all. Oops. Not a good outcome.
Write "+ infinity" in the box where "God Exists" and "Godly Life" intersect. What if you have believed in God and done your very best to live a godly life? And then it turns out that there IS a God. Well, as my college professor put it, "you have won the cosmic lottery!"
So, if we compare the different outcomes, we see that the best you can do while NOT believing in God is a "+1." The best you can do with BELIEVING in God is "+ infinity." And then look at the WORST you can do in each case. Pascal points out that you are better off believing because the worst that can happen is a "-1."
This is a pretty logical, unemotional and simplified way to look at things but I always enjoyed the idea of it.
-Malady
I know you haven't had time to respond to my last post but I thought of this today and wanted to share it with you.
I minored in Philosophy in college and some of the "big questions" of philosophy have to do with God and the meaning of life. Blaise Pascal came up with a wager that described how he began to believe in God. It goes something like this.
Draw a chart on a piece of paper with four boxes (two on top and two below). At the top of the chart, write "God exists" and "God Doesn't Exist" over each box. At the side, write "Godly Life" and "Ungodly Life" beside each box. Okay, now we are going to fill in the boxes.
Write "-1" in the box where "God Doesn't Exist" and "Godly Life" intersect. If you have followed all the "rules" and lived a good life and then, after death, you discover that God doesn't exist, that nets you a -1 because you could have been doing whatever the heck you wanted but you led a Godly life instead. A waste of time.
Write "+1" in the box where "God Doesn't Exist" and "Ungodly Life" intersect. If you have lived your life however you want to and then it turns out that there is no God, well you have netted +1. You have gotten to do whatever you want. Hooray for you.
Write "- (minus) infinity" in the box where "God Exists" and "Ungodly Life" intersect. Let's say you spent your life doing whatever you want and not believing in God and then it turns out that there IS a God after all. Oops. Not a good outcome.
Write "+ infinity" in the box where "God Exists" and "Godly Life" intersect. What if you have believed in God and done your very best to live a godly life? And then it turns out that there IS a God. Well, as my college professor put it, "you have won the cosmic lottery!"
So, if we compare the different outcomes, we see that the best you can do while NOT believing in God is a "+1." The best you can do with BELIEVING in God is "+ infinity." And then look at the WORST you can do in each case. Pascal points out that you are better off believing because the worst that can happen is a "-1."
This is a pretty logical, unemotional and simplified way to look at things but I always enjoyed the idea of it.
-Malady
Friday, April 20, 2007
Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God
Dear Gary,
This is a tough one. I haven't gotten that far in the book yet but I'll try to address your question. We are starting to get into the idea of "sin" and God's role in "sin." I think a lot of people don' t like the idea of God looking down from heaven and judging everything that they do. God was very present in the Old Testament. He spent a lot of time getting mad at people and meting out punishment. In the New Testament, that visible and personal relationship disappears. We are just left with grace.
You and I discussed the concept of grace offline. I told you about my favorite interpretation of grace. It goes like this:
"You go to school for the first time and you are feeling really nervous and inadequate. It almost seems like a sham that you are even in the classroom because you feel like you don't measure up and you'll never be able to keep up with the others. Then, the teacher comes in, looks at you and the others and says, "I'm giving you all an "A". Now, just do your best."
God is very much a father-figure for humankind. (or a mother-figure if you prefer) We are all God's children and He wants the very best for us. But God decided to give us free will. Like children, we have to make mistakes and try to learn from them. And that can be frustrating for everyone. Including God, I would imagine. We aren't perfect beings. We are going to make mistakes. But as long as we try our best, we're okay. That is the gift of grace. God gave us a model for behavior in Jesus. WWJD (what would Jesus do?) is kind of a trite guideline but it is still pretty useful. I use it myself quite often. The reason God doesn't make grand appearances anymore like He did in the Old Testament is because of Jesus. Jesus was both human and God. He gave God a firsthand look at what it means to be human. And Jesus was sacrificed for our sins. He gave us the gift of grace. So, now we turn inwards for our relationship with God. We trust in that relationship through faith alone. And we simply try our best.
Hope that helps a little bit. It's a very complicated issue.
I recommended the movie "The Last Temptation of Christ" to you recently. What did you think of it?
-Malady
This is a tough one. I haven't gotten that far in the book yet but I'll try to address your question. We are starting to get into the idea of "sin" and God's role in "sin." I think a lot of people don' t like the idea of God looking down from heaven and judging everything that they do. God was very present in the Old Testament. He spent a lot of time getting mad at people and meting out punishment. In the New Testament, that visible and personal relationship disappears. We are just left with grace.
You and I discussed the concept of grace offline. I told you about my favorite interpretation of grace. It goes like this:
"You go to school for the first time and you are feeling really nervous and inadequate. It almost seems like a sham that you are even in the classroom because you feel like you don't measure up and you'll never be able to keep up with the others. Then, the teacher comes in, looks at you and the others and says, "I'm giving you all an "A". Now, just do your best."
God is very much a father-figure for humankind. (or a mother-figure if you prefer) We are all God's children and He wants the very best for us. But God decided to give us free will. Like children, we have to make mistakes and try to learn from them. And that can be frustrating for everyone. Including God, I would imagine. We aren't perfect beings. We are going to make mistakes. But as long as we try our best, we're okay. That is the gift of grace. God gave us a model for behavior in Jesus. WWJD (what would Jesus do?) is kind of a trite guideline but it is still pretty useful. I use it myself quite often. The reason God doesn't make grand appearances anymore like He did in the Old Testament is because of Jesus. Jesus was both human and God. He gave God a firsthand look at what it means to be human. And Jesus was sacrificed for our sins. He gave us the gift of grace. So, now we turn inwards for our relationship with God. We trust in that relationship through faith alone. And we simply try our best.
Hope that helps a little bit. It's a very complicated issue.
I recommended the movie "The Last Temptation of Christ" to you recently. What did you think of it?
-Malady
Thursday, April 19, 2007
An 'Aha!' Moment
Malady, I read something in Chapter 5 (We Have Cause to be Uneasy) that made me discover why I have so often pushed God away. At this point (page 30 in my book), Lewis is entertaining the idea of God as an impersonal absolute goodness. He is talking about a God who is backed by the Moral Law:
"There is nothing indulgent about the Moral Law. It is as hard as nails. It tells you to do the straight thing and it does not seem to care how painful, or dangerous, or difficult it is to do. If God is like the Moral Law, then He is not soft. If He is a pure impersonal mind, there may be no sense in asking Him to make allowances for you or to let you off, just as there is no sense in asking the multiplication table to let you off when you do your sums wrong. You are bound to get the wrong answer.
You may want Him to make an exception in your own case, to let you off this one time...We know that if there does exist an absolute goodness it must hate most of what we do. This is the terrible fix we are in. If the universe is not governed by an absolute goodness, then all our efforts are in the long run hopeless."
I have never been an atheist, but I am so full of flaws and inconsistencies that I have never had the energy or desire to try to please some omnipresent, omniscient being whose presence I could rarely sense (let alone prove to myself). I didn't think I did this to the extent I do, but I guess my SOP has mostly been to please myself.
As a Christian, is it the sense of 'becoming' or something else that gives you the energy to continue being a Christian? It would help me a great deal if you could tell me how you reconcile in your own life what Lewis is saying in the section I've included above.
"There is nothing indulgent about the Moral Law. It is as hard as nails. It tells you to do the straight thing and it does not seem to care how painful, or dangerous, or difficult it is to do. If God is like the Moral Law, then He is not soft. If He is a pure impersonal mind, there may be no sense in asking Him to make allowances for you or to let you off, just as there is no sense in asking the multiplication table to let you off when you do your sums wrong. You are bound to get the wrong answer.
You may want Him to make an exception in your own case, to let you off this one time...We know that if there does exist an absolute goodness it must hate most of what we do. This is the terrible fix we are in. If the universe is not governed by an absolute goodness, then all our efforts are in the long run hopeless."
I have never been an atheist, but I am so full of flaws and inconsistencies that I have never had the energy or desire to try to please some omnipresent, omniscient being whose presence I could rarely sense (let alone prove to myself). I didn't think I did this to the extent I do, but I guess my SOP has mostly been to please myself.
As a Christian, is it the sense of 'becoming' or something else that gives you the energy to continue being a Christian? It would help me a great deal if you could tell me how you reconcile in your own life what Lewis is saying in the section I've included above.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
MERE CHRISTIANITY by C.S. Lewis
Dear Gary,
I'm really excited that we will be reading MERE CHRISTIANITY together. It has been a long time since I have read that book. In college, my pastor started a group called the C.S. Lewis Society. We would gather at his home to read books by C.S. Lewis. Even though I loved the Narnia books as a child, I think my real love of C.S. Lewis came from those times at the home of my pastor.
Parts of the book are available online. You can access it here.
I'll check back with you after we read Book One.
-Malady
I'm really excited that we will be reading MERE CHRISTIANITY together. It has been a long time since I have read that book. In college, my pastor started a group called the C.S. Lewis Society. We would gather at his home to read books by C.S. Lewis. Even though I loved the Narnia books as a child, I think my real love of C.S. Lewis came from those times at the home of my pastor.
Parts of the book are available online. You can access it here.
I'll check back with you after we read Book One.
-Malady
The Beginning Part Two
Dear Malady,
I'm not sure yet if I identify myself as a Christian, but I think I understand how you and Lucy feel. My mind and spirit often feel agitated and restless because I've spent most of my life convincing myself that there is some single truth I should be looking for. I'm finally beginning to see that my life has many truths and many of them are incompatible. Whether it's looking to God, discovering through meditation, or some other way, I want to reconcile the things that trouble me so I don't harm myself or the people I care about.
Like you, I grew up as a Christian. My family is Presbyterian and my parents were sporadic about attending church. It's clear to me now that my parents felt that going to church was more a duty to fulfill than it was celebrating their relationship with God. Nor was my family ever a joyful bunch, so happiness and a real love for anything (let alone going to church) wasn't ever instilled in me. That I never found a community in which to cultivate my faith and spirituality doesn't matter to me now. I can't do anything to fix that stuff, so I'm only concerning myself about this point forward. Perhaps that will change as we go forward.
You are traveling a difficult road and your soul is going to grow a lot in this life. Right now, I am just trying to find peace in my life. However, I've exhausted the resources that I've drawn upon in my own experience and education to find that peace. Something still isn't right and I want to spend the second half of my life searching for peace and reconciling the truths of my life, whatever they may be.
I join you with a glad heart.
Gary
I'm not sure yet if I identify myself as a Christian, but I think I understand how you and Lucy feel. My mind and spirit often feel agitated and restless because I've spent most of my life convincing myself that there is some single truth I should be looking for. I'm finally beginning to see that my life has many truths and many of them are incompatible. Whether it's looking to God, discovering through meditation, or some other way, I want to reconcile the things that trouble me so I don't harm myself or the people I care about.
Like you, I grew up as a Christian. My family is Presbyterian and my parents were sporadic about attending church. It's clear to me now that my parents felt that going to church was more a duty to fulfill than it was celebrating their relationship with God. Nor was my family ever a joyful bunch, so happiness and a real love for anything (let alone going to church) wasn't ever instilled in me. That I never found a community in which to cultivate my faith and spirituality doesn't matter to me now. I can't do anything to fix that stuff, so I'm only concerning myself about this point forward. Perhaps that will change as we go forward.
You are traveling a difficult road and your soul is going to grow a lot in this life. Right now, I am just trying to find peace in my life. However, I've exhausted the resources that I've drawn upon in my own experience and education to find that peace. Something still isn't right and I want to spend the second half of my life searching for peace and reconciling the truths of my life, whatever they may be.
I join you with a glad heart.
Gary
Sunday, April 8, 2007
The Beginning
Dear Gary,
In The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis, a little girl named Lucy goes through a wardrobe and finds a magical world. When she returns to her own time, she is very excited to share her adventures with her siblings. But she can't get anyone to believe her. Even when her brother Edmund discovers the truth about the wardrobe, he betrays her and tells their other two siblings that it is only "make-believe." Poor Lucy is so hurt. She has found something wonderful that she wants to share with others but not only do people not believe her, some of them even mock her.
I sometimes feel that is an apt description for what it is like to be a Christian in today's world. We are faced with the task of living and sharing our faith while functioning in a secular space. It can be very difficult.
I grew up as Christian. My father was an Episcopalian and my mother was a Baptist so they raised me in a non-denominational bible church. I was "dedicated" to God as a baby because we didn't have infant baptisms in my church. I attended Sunday school regularly and often went to the churches of my grandparents. I was baptized when I was fourteen through total immersion. And then, my family quit going to church. I didn't have an active faith life as a teenager. In fact, I felt a little embittered and hurt by the whole thing. But when I went to college, I reached out and found a home in my non-denominational campus chapel where I became a Deacon. Because I am a Liberal, I often feel that many Christians don't accept me or that they are overly critical of me. On the other hand, many of my liberal acquaintances don't take me seriously because I am Christian. It is like balancing on a tightrope. Leaning too far either way could make you fall. But then, I need both of those sides to keep me whole.
As an adult, I have found a home in the Lutheran church. Their focus on good works appeals to my liberal/social justice inclinations. And I have the opportunity to participate in a community of faith which is very important to me. The thing about faith is that it is never static. It is constantly growing and changing. I don't have all the answers. I am not a theologian. But I try to learn and develop my faith all the time.
One Christian who has inspired me a great deal is C.S. Lewis. Lewis was an atheist who was "surprised by joy." He claims he fought very hard against God but God won in the end. He shares his faith journey through such books as Mere Christianity. I suggest we start there.
Will you join me?
-Malady
In The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis, a little girl named Lucy goes through a wardrobe and finds a magical world. When she returns to her own time, she is very excited to share her adventures with her siblings. But she can't get anyone to believe her. Even when her brother Edmund discovers the truth about the wardrobe, he betrays her and tells their other two siblings that it is only "make-believe." Poor Lucy is so hurt. She has found something wonderful that she wants to share with others but not only do people not believe her, some of them even mock her.
I sometimes feel that is an apt description for what it is like to be a Christian in today's world. We are faced with the task of living and sharing our faith while functioning in a secular space. It can be very difficult.
I grew up as Christian. My father was an Episcopalian and my mother was a Baptist so they raised me in a non-denominational bible church. I was "dedicated" to God as a baby because we didn't have infant baptisms in my church. I attended Sunday school regularly and often went to the churches of my grandparents. I was baptized when I was fourteen through total immersion. And then, my family quit going to church. I didn't have an active faith life as a teenager. In fact, I felt a little embittered and hurt by the whole thing. But when I went to college, I reached out and found a home in my non-denominational campus chapel where I became a Deacon. Because I am a Liberal, I often feel that many Christians don't accept me or that they are overly critical of me. On the other hand, many of my liberal acquaintances don't take me seriously because I am Christian. It is like balancing on a tightrope. Leaning too far either way could make you fall. But then, I need both of those sides to keep me whole.
As an adult, I have found a home in the Lutheran church. Their focus on good works appeals to my liberal/social justice inclinations. And I have the opportunity to participate in a community of faith which is very important to me. The thing about faith is that it is never static. It is constantly growing and changing. I don't have all the answers. I am not a theologian. But I try to learn and develop my faith all the time.
One Christian who has inspired me a great deal is C.S. Lewis. Lewis was an atheist who was "surprised by joy." He claims he fought very hard against God but God won in the end. He shares his faith journey through such books as Mere Christianity. I suggest we start there.
Will you join me?
-Malady
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