Peace, Love, Happiness, ...And Having A Purpose

Dear Malady,
Your last post gave me a much clearer picture of what God means to you in your own life. I think I share with you the feeling that God is not really a separate part of your being. The description of your nightmare is marvelous; I can feel the closeness you shared with those in the first part of your dream. "Peace and love and happiness" - it seems that you and I want the same things!

I like how you describe hell as being an absence of God. Your wandering around alone on the street is truly frightening. For me, those times of "hell" are those in which I feel purposelessness and ennui. As you describe your own relationship with God, I am beginning to see that I see my relationship with Him manifests itself in my feelings and that He is not really separate from me. But my feelings are so inconsistent and unreliable that I'm not sure this can really be true.

What I hope to find during the course of my life is peace. That's all I want. When I feel peace, I perceive it as something divine, but not separate from me. But at the end of my life, I hope to encounter someone who will take me in and give meaning to all the things I've struggled with during the course of my life. You talked about having a reunion with God - can you tell me more about what that looks like to you?

Thank you for helping me sort out my "belief and heaven" dilemma. That God is love and that He will take care of it somehow is all I need to know.

I liked The Last Temptation of Christ for similar reasons as yours. Watching this movie was the first time I had felt real resonance with Christ's sacrifice. And I felt so because the film concentrated so much on His humanness. I find it fascinating how his post-cross human life dulled him, made him timid, and put him into a kind of sleep. You had mentioned how Judas is widely misunderstood - I had shared in that misunderstanding until I saw this movie. I had believed Judas had sold Jesus out, but now it's clear to me that Judas's purpose was to remind Jesus of His own purpose (or to be His conscience, as you explained).

How Jesus interpreted His life brings up a difficulty I have when I talk to people who call themselves Christians. What is most profound to me about Jesus that He had a purpose, or a mission. I find that what that mission was - that He died for our sins - less important than the simple fact that He had a purpose for living. That purpose moved Him so powerfully that He dedicated His entire life to it.

I find it interesting (and a little troubling) that so many people don't put much thought into what the purpose of their lives are. To me, exploring this question should be central to a Christian life. I see Christ's sacrifice not as a letting us off the hook, but instead as a challenge to pony up and explore the meaning in our own lives. Perhaps we don't have to die for our purpose as Christ did, but I fully expect God to ask me some pretty pointed questions on this subject. I have a feeling that He'll be fine if I don't have an answer, but that He will be concerned if I hadn't considered it much. Kind of like not studying for an exam, but a lot more serious. What do you think about this?

-Gary