The Beginning Part Two

Dear Malady,

I'm not sure yet if I identify myself as a Christian, but I think I understand how you and Lucy feel. My mind and spirit often feel agitated and restless because I've spent most of my life convincing myself that there is some single truth I should be looking for. I'm finally beginning to see that my life has many truths and many of them are incompatible. Whether it's looking to God, discovering through meditation, or some other way, I want to reconcile the things that trouble me so I don't harm myself or the people I care about.

Like you, I grew up as a Christian. My family is Presbyterian and my parents were sporadic about attending church. It's clear to me now that my parents felt that going to church was more a duty to fulfill than it was celebrating their relationship with God. Nor was my family ever a joyful bunch, so happiness and a real love for anything (let alone going to church) wasn't ever instilled in me. That I never found a community in which to cultivate my faith and spirituality doesn't matter to me now. I can't do anything to fix that stuff, so I'm only concerning myself about this point forward. Perhaps that will change as we go forward.

You are traveling a difficult road and your soul is going to grow a lot in this life. Right now, I am just trying to find peace in my life. However, I've exhausted the resources that I've drawn upon in my own experience and education to find that peace. Something still isn't right and I want to spend the second half of my life searching for peace and reconciling the truths of my life, whatever they may be.

I join you with a glad heart.

Gary