An 'Aha!' Moment

Malady, I read something in Chapter 5 (We Have Cause to be Uneasy) that made me discover why I have so often pushed God away. At this point (page 30 in my book), Lewis is entertaining the idea of God as an impersonal absolute goodness. He is talking about a God who is backed by the Moral Law:

"There is nothing indulgent about the Moral Law. It is as hard as nails. It tells you to do the straight thing and it does not seem to care how painful, or dangerous, or difficult it is to do. If God is like the Moral Law, then He is not soft. If He is a pure impersonal mind, there may be no sense in asking Him to make allowances for you or to let you off, just as there is no sense in asking the multiplication table to let you off when you do your sums wrong. You are bound to get the wrong answer.

You may want Him to make an exception in your own case, to let you off this one time...We know that if there does exist an absolute goodness it must hate most of what we do. This is the terrible fix we are in. If the universe is not governed by an absolute goodness, then all our efforts are in the long run hopeless."

I have never been an atheist, but I am so full of flaws and inconsistencies that I have never had the energy or desire to try to please some omnipresent, omniscient being whose presence I could rarely sense (let alone prove to myself). I didn't think I did this to the extent I do, but I guess my SOP has mostly been to please myself.

As a Christian, is it the sense of 'becoming' or something else that gives you the energy to continue being a Christian? It would help me a great deal if you could tell me how you reconcile in your own life what Lewis is saying in the section I've included above.