Flatline

I searched a week for something to post about chapters 13-15. I found nothing, so I'm throwing in the towel. For me, these chapters were too much about Miller's own personal experiences and he consequently lost me for an audience. Thanks, Amy, for giving me something to comment on.

BLUE LIKE JAZZ Week Five

My favorite part of this week's reading was the discussion about love. I especially enjoyed what Paul says about love in Chapter 13.

"I mean that to be in a relationship with God is to be loved purely and furiously. And a person who thinks himself unlovable cannot be in a relationship with God because he can't accept who God is; a Being that is love. We learn that we are lovable or unlovable from other people....that is why God tells us so many times to love each other."

What a great idea! This was a nice segue into Chapter 14 on being alone. When I was studying philosophy in college, I remember talking about Fichte. Fichte wrote about how we need other people to interact with in order to create our sense of self and "otherness." If we don't have that, we go insane. We need other people to be our mirrors. So many times we have heard that you can't be in a relationship with someone else until you love yourself. I think that's true. But it is also clear that we need each other. We learn so much about ourselves from interacting with other people.

I didn't enjoy Chapter 15 as much but I understood where Don is coming from. Being an only child, I am used to having my own space. I have always found it difficult to live with people. I really worried that I wouldn't be cut out for married life but it has been surprisingly easy to live with my husband. What a surprise! I guess he makes a good "mirror" for me.

Belief and Grace

Chapter ten made me reconsider the idea of grace. As Miller described his own struggles in becoming what it takes to be a "good Christian", what he would die for, and his admiration of his friends Penny and Andrew for their own passion about particular causes, I thought about my own beliefs.

I realized after reading this chapter that the word "belief" has never held much weight with me. What do I believe in? Well, I believe that I am typing this blog post, I believe that the sun is shining today, I believe that I have a long list of "to dos" that I must take care of this week.

But the word "compel" is another matter. To think about things that are compelling to me opens up a whole new universe for me. What do I find compelling? That means I'm powerfully attracted to them. When I think of things that are good, noble, and even extraordinary, I still may not find them compelling. To me, that is.

For example, when I think of becoming a tutor or a Big Brother, I think, 'Wow, those are great ways to spend one's time and make a difference.' But I will never do them. I have no interest in doing those things. So I ask myself why that is. Am I lazy? Am I selfish? Perhaps, but it may also because God wants me to do something else.

When I turned 41 last month, I had a realization. All my struggles and trials have led me somewhere. It's probable that, for the remainder of my life, I'll more or less be the kind of person I am today. It's not all the fireworks I thought it would be and I've certainly made some decisions and blunders that will color the rest of my days, but my life is not bad. I'm essentially a good person who is dedicated to learning about and appreciating life's mysteries. I will do some good things before I'm done.

I'm OK with all of that. I believe that I have accepted God's grace.

So, I guess I do have one real belief.

BLUE LIKE JAZZ Week Four

I really like this quotation from Chapter 10:

"The problem with Christian belief...is that it is not a fashionable thing to believe."

Donald is right. We all want to be fashionable and cool deep down. This can create a lot of pressure for some of us Christians when challenged by "cool" non-Christians. It just isn't trendy to be a young Christian. But I really like the delineation that Donald draws between "Christianity" and "Jesus." We often get so caught up in the religous aspects of Christianity and its labels that we lose sight of the message. I like how Donald describes himself as a follower of Jesus rather than the loaded term "Christian." I especially love the confession booth that Donald and his friend set up. What a wonderful idea!

Although I found Chapter 12 a bit preachy, I can empathize with Donald's search for a church. It is important to find a place of worship that feels relevant and authentic. I have mentioned many times how I feel angry that Republications and conservatives have co-opted Jesus for their own agendas and political purposes. Although I am a Democrat, I don't see either side as being "Christian." As Donald pointed out, "what I believe is not what I say I believe; what I believe is what I do." I don't believe religion has a place in politics.

I have always been uncomfortable with the modernization of the church today. I get squirmy when I see people wear jeans to church and carry their Starbucks into the sanctuary. I cringe when the rock band starts playing Christian music during the service and when I see "Jesus Jams" aimed at teens. Is it all really necessary? Part of me likes the fact that these trendy touches speak to some people and bring them into the church. At the same time, it feels overdone. I think the methods used by Donald's church are so much more to the point. We all know the church must change or die. But we need to be careful about what changes and incentives that we implement just to get people in the door.

A Stake In The Sand

Tonight I went for a long walk. I thought about Don's struggle at the end of Chapter 9, Amy's disillusionment with Christianity when she was a teenager, and the passage from Kings. I thought about the spiritual irritation I feel so much of the time. I realized then that I was only thinking about my irritation. I did not feel any irritation as I walked the quiet, dark streets in my neighborhood. In fact, I was at peace.

In an earlier chapter, Don talked about the times when his faith came easily. At one point, he was reading his Bible regularly and even marveled during one reading session about how easily God had come to him and how good he was feeling. He wondered why it couldn't always be that way - why those good times with God and his faith so often slipped away. Sure enough, a few months later Don was back in a funk and doing things he wasn't particularly proud of and felt bad about.

I contemplated this same thing tonight. Why on some (rare) occasions my spirit just soars, or I at least feel contentment. The times when I don't have to hunt, dig, or beg for it to come.

Life is a funny thing. Sometimes we just have to let our hair down and let all of those bad things loose. Those "bad" things may even be quite fun. It is how I think about that passage from Kings. If all was still all the time, maybe we couldn't hear that quiet voice. Maybe the ruckus helps us to find the light.